Why do I need icons? Why do I want porn?

What calls me towards these images? How does it feel? What do I really want? How do I interact with the image? And what does it make of me as a person when I do so?

Do we venerate God in his Creation, or do we objectify what and whom we see around us Share on X

In the previous podcast I was reflecting on the meaning and nature of pornography as compared to iconography. I talked about the centrality of the image in our life and worship, and the way in which Creation itself is an icon of God, remembering how St Paul said that since the creation of the world, the invisible things of God are clearly seen in created things — even his everlasting power and divinity. Then I reflected on the meaning of pornography — that it’s not only about obscenity but about idolatry and the breaking of this Orthodox iconographic understanding of Created reality.

Once we understand what is going on in iconography and pornography, it is a challenge to all of us to reflect on whether we venerate God in his Creation, or whether we objectify what and whom we see around us, breaking in our own hearts the intimate connection between God and his Creation.

If you’ve found this podcast and haven’t yet listened to the first episode, I’d encourage you to go back and listen to it now to fill in the background for what I’m going to say today.

Today I want to think about the same topic a little more subjectively. Why might I need to look at icons? Why might I want to look at porn? What calls me towards these images? How does it feel? What do I really want? How do I interact with the image? And what does it make of me as a person when I do so?

What calls me to embrace the icon and what calls me to embrace porn is at root the same thing Share on X

“It is not good for man to be alone.” (Gen. 2:18) This is one of the foundational things we know about the human person, right from the beginning. The deepest part of all of us holds a desire to reach out of ourselves and make a connection. The end of all things is an ultimate fulfilment of the desire for that intimate connection in the total union of all Creation in Christ (1 Cor. 15:28) and a participation in the very life of God (2 Pet. 1:4). So, though it may sound strange to say it, that which calls me to embrace the icon and that which calls me to embrace pornography is at root the same thing.

And moreover, the desire to make that connection is in itself good. It is something not only given by God in the beginning, but something that reflects God’s own life in us. God’s desire for us is so strong that he consents to empty himself, descend to us, take flesh, and live bodily with us (Phil. 2:5-8, Jn 1:1-18). Our deepest desire is the same: to be united in soul, mind and body with him.

If you have used pornography, ask yourself why. What need or desire in you is the deepest reason why. If you have a close friend or relative who is struggling with habitual pornography use, ask them why. What is the deepest reason inside them that they feel this need. The answers I have received to this question always on one level come back to the desire — the need — to make a connection. To reach out of this lonely body and bring myself together with another.

So on the one hand, I desire relationship. But on another level, the answers to this same question always also come back to the wish to short-circuit relationship. Answers like, “My wife doesn’t fulfil my sexual needs” or “I want an easy and quick way of reaching sexual release.”

So as well as seeing what iconography and pornography have in common — the deep need for connection — here we can also see the distinction between iconography and pornography I talked about in the first episode.

Praying with an icon is a way of opening myself to the other. It is about veneration. It requires that I invest myself in the relationship. It requires that I make myself vulnerable and acknowledge my vulnerability. It shows my true face. It is a means of seeing through the veil of our physical existence and making contact with God through his Creation.

Pornography on the other hand is about opening the other to me. It is about idolatry. It requires nothing of me except what I want to give. It puts all the power in my hands. It enables me to hide myself, my fears, my inadequacies and pretend they don’t exist. It is putting on a mask. It cuts off any reality beyond the physical, which means it cuts us off from God and abuses his Creation.

So to go back to some of the questions I asked at the beginning: what calls me to interact with the icon or, on the other hand, to interact with pornography? A desire to make a connection. How do I interact? With an icon, I venerate; I open myself to a transcendent Reality. I give of myself. With pornography I objectify or idolize; I close myself within myself; I take from the other without offering anything of myself.

What does it make of me as a person? Everything we do, and particularly everything we make a habit of doing, grows each of us into a particular kind of person. My character is formed by my thoughts, feelings and actions and by how I relate to others and to God. In turn, my developing character affects my thoughts, feelings and actions and affects how I relate to others and to God.

This works on every level. On the most immediate, physical level we have seen over the last couple of decades a “pornographization” of culture. As pornography becomes more normalized, the images that surround us every day become more sexualized. Women who marry men who have been habitual users of pornography tell us that their husbands expect from them sexual behaviours that make them feel uncomfortable. Why? Because if I have habitually used pornography, I am used to sex being something that I control and that is focused on my pleasure. I am used to closing up myself and my own deepest needs and living in an objectified, idolized physical reality. I have no way to truly meet another person at a deep level, no way to be vulnerable, and, in the end, therefore, no way to meet God.

Everything we do with our bodies affects our spiritual reality. Share on X

Everything we do with our bodies affects our spiritual reality. Everything we do with our minds affects our spiritual reality. In the end, every act, every thought, every way we indulge our desires leads us closer either to Heaven or to Hell. That is, either to an eternity where I participate in the very life of God, or an eternity where I am totally cut off from God and closed in on myself and my own pain.

In conclusion, there are two other very important questions I want to mention briefly that arise from what I have said today.

The first: is the desire to look at pornography a bad thing in itself?

There are two aspects to this first question. The first is the nature of temptation and sin. To address this very quickly, the appearing in our minds of an enticing thought, or in our bodies of an enticing feeling, or in our souls of an enticing desire is never sinful. However, if we let that thought, feeling or desire in and give it space to grow, then that is where we miss the mark — that is where the sin begins. The Lord himself was tempted… these kinds of thoughts, feelings and desires appeared, to entice him. But he never sinned: that is, he never entertained these when they did arise. So a temptation is in itself not a sin.

The other aspect is the nature of desire. As I said earlier, desire itself is something not only given by God, but something that reflects God’s very nature: again, this is the iconic nature of reality. But all that is Satanic, demonic and sinful wants to twist this desire so that it no longer points to ultimate fulfilment in union with God through his Creation, but rather becomes a desire that sees the Creation itself as an end in itself. But who is closer to God — the one who feels the desire but misdirects it, or the one that has trained himself not to feel the desire at all?

St John Climacus says,

“Not he who has kept his clay undefiled is pure, but he who has completely subjected his members to his soul” (Ladder 15:10).

Our desires are not there to be killed but to be transformed into a full-bodied, whole-hearted desire for God.

The second question is: how can I help someone who finds himself addicted to porn?

There is a lot to say in regard to this question, and I will address this in more detail in subsequent podcasts. For example, the implication that porn is a problem primarily for men, and also the question of what an addiction is and whether the habitual use of pornography falls into this category. The question itself requires a lot more attention than I can give to it today. But I want to raise it now so that I can mention what I think is the essential starting point.

The essential starting point, to my mind, is to realize that we all have a tendency to see God’s Creation as objectified flesh and not as icon. To put it more bluntly, I could say that we are all porn addicts. How can I say this? Precisely because of the comparison between iconography and pornography. Do I venerate every person I meet as the image of God? Do I look at Creation as a veil which reveals to me the contours of God himself? Do I open myself in every encounter to receive what God offers through that encounter with any part of his Creation? Do I, as St Paul says, concentrate my attention on whatever is true, whatever is honourable, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable? (Phil. 4:8)

Do I venerate every person I meet as the image of God? Share on X

Or do I sometimes objectify what and whom I meet? Do I use Created things and people for my own purposes? Do I close myself off in relationships out of fear or shame? If so I am turning away from God. I am being unfaithful to God and unfaithfulness is the characteristic act of immorality. If I do these things I am reading God’s Creation as superficial, obscene writings — pornographoi — and not as the writing of God’s image — iconographoi — that it truly is. Once I understand that I am not cut from some totally different cloth than the porn addict, I am ready to stand alongside him and begin the work of turning both of us around towards the face of God.